This question applies to so many aspects of my life.....
How am I already 30? Why am I living in the middle of the no where? Why is my house covered in dog hair and the kitchen a mess? How did I get to have 50lbs of extra me? How is it I can never seem to get rid of them for good?
Some of these questions are easy to answer. There are 24 hours in a day and I have been alive for close to 11,000 of them. I had a hard time at first accepting the fact that I am now in the thirties but I am now okay with this and am looking forward to making my 30s much better than my 20s. I am living in the middle of no where because my wonderful husband is an amazing Navy man. Since meeting Dave, my life has completely changed. We have moved half way around the world..and then a little more. I have had to get used to living a flexible life; which is not that easy for a super type A person like myself. The things that I have learned from being a Navy wife could fill a whole other blog and we have only been married for 2 1/2 years! My house is a mess because I am milking the hell out of a cold I am getting over and refusing to do any housework. I am sure every woman who reads this understands that me being sick does not mean Dave will pick up the slack. It just means that my house will be messy until I feel better. Dave is not a slob by any means but he is a guy and by nature they do not see a messy home the same way women do.
The last two questions are at the heart of why I decided to write this blog. I have never been a skinny girl. Growing up, I was always just a little bigger than everyone else. As the years rolled on, the gap between my weight and everyone else grew. I topped out at around 250lbs in college and was wearing a size 20 pant. I got down to a size 18 dress by the time I graduated college but was determined to make a real change in my life. I hired a personal trainer around the same time I started grad school. After about 6 months of hard work I was down to 160lbs and a size 12/14. I stalled here for a few years and then slowly found myself creeping back up the scale. I joined a weight loss challenge shortly after finishing grad school and starting my "big" girl job. I had amazing success with this program and got down to the 150s and was in a size 12 pant that was starting to feel a bit roomy. Fast forward a year and some months, Dave has orders and we are moving to Hawaii. While in Hawaii, my weight goes up and down but mostly down. Fast forward another year and half, we are now moving to Guam (yeah try and find that on a map). I was really good for awhile but then I start making friends with junk food and the weight comes back with a passion. I am now staring down 200lbs in my near future and am freaking out.
This is where I find myself right now. I have not gotten on a scale out of fear but clothes that fit two weeks ago are too tight to wear. I went through feeling sorry for myself and wondering how I let this happen AGAIN! I have been here so many times one would think I would have gotten sick of it enough to leave it far in my rear view mirror. I know that my weight issue has been with me all my life and it is not something that is easy to change but I cant help like feeling like a failure for always returning to the place I said I would never get back to. I had these grand plans to be fit by 30 but that didn't happen.
I feel like today something just snapped in my head and I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and berating myself for all the decisions I made in the past. While looking up some new recipes to try this week, I came across the Whole9 website. I have heard of the Whole30 program before but was never really motivated to try it. I have had friends have a lot of success doing similar things and figured it was time I make a commitment to myself and try it. I have done the paleo diet before and really enjoyed it. I have several food sensitivities that make eating paleo very easy...if I am willing to give up the junk food. I also decided to have a level of accountability by blogging my progress over the next 30 days. Even if no one reads this, I am putting it out there and owning the choices that I make. I am nervous and excited for the next month. Thanks for making it through this post and I hope to see you on the other side of 30 days!
